Or Sent at 16:57, Read at 09:00
Every closing time has a ghost. It turns up at 22:55 with a hand already on the door and the smile of someone who has never owned a watch. The chairs are on the tables. The till is half counted, which is worse than not counted. The mop bucket is full of water and full of hope. And in walks a person who would like to “just have a quick pint”.
Nobody has ever just had a quick pint. It takes eight minutes to decide, then a question about whether “this one is sweet”, then a second question about the first one. Then another person appears behind them, because the first customer was a scout.
What do we do? We smile. Hospitality gives you a very particular face for this, the one that says “of course, take your time” while the eyes work out how much of your evening is leaving through the front door. You take their order. You pour the pint fast, because nobody has ever been more attentive than a waiter who wants to go home.
What do we think? A lot, and most of it won’t fit on a website. The odd part is that these customers are usually lovely. That’s what makes it hard. You can resend a rude person with a clear conscience. But a polite one who has just cost you twenty minutes and leaves saying “thank you so much, you’ve been wonderful”? There’s nowhere to put that.
Then I moved into an office and found out the same person has followed me. Now they work by email. It arrives at 16:57 with the subject line “Quick question”. It is never quick. It is never one question. It often ends with “if you could have a look by tomorrow”, a sentence written with great confidence by someone who has never seen your calendar. Same ghost, different door. In HR it comes with a bonus apology: “Sorry to ask so late, but…” The sorry doesn’t give you the extra time back. It just makes you feel rude for wanting it.
How would I like to deal with them? In a perfect world, I’d lock the door at five to, with a kind smile and a sign saying we enjoyed ourselves so much we’re closing early. In the office, I’ve got further than that. I read the email at 16:57, note it, and let it become tomorrow’s problem. A polite, thorough reply landing at my first convenience says everything it needs to say, and nothing has ever collapsed because an email waited fifteen hours, or more.
The email is easy to ignore. The customer is harder. You can’t schedule a person for the morning. So you serve them properly and you finish late.
In twenty-five years I’ve done both. Served and turned away. I thought about it every single time. If it were only up to me, I wouldn’t have served any of them. But it wasn’t. So I poured the pints and took home a few arguments I could win in the shower.
If you can relate to this, Ho-Spell-Tality is full of spells that will help you get through it the next time it happens.
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